As part of my bootcamp assignments we are writing a blog post about why we decided to study Software Engineering. So here is a rambling, slightly morose and possibly illogical post with my thoughts on this.

So I had my first child fairly young after years of not really having set a clear path for my future. So that basically set one for me - I was a single mother. And honestly, I loved it. But that also meant finding a job that could support us regardless of how much I enjoyed the work.

Jump forward to 2 months ago. Still at the same company. Still don't really love my job but I am pretty good at it (I should be after almost 20 years!). But now I have older kids, a husband and maybe a chance to find an actual career - like be a real person! So I start seriously considering what I enjoy, what I want to do. I throw out a few things because they just don't seem right.

When my son brings up coding as an option I think - no way. In fact, the first question I asked him was "Do you think I'm smart enough for that?" to which he rolled his eyes. So he helps me get started learning - I write a program to help me catalog my movies. I love it. It's like problem solving. This is perfect!

The name of the post is a song by Jets to Brazil. So it's a dark and beautiful song and Blake Schwarzenbach writes these lyrics that are so powerful. Now, I am totally biased. Jawbreaker was my favorite band and its unlikely I wouldn't like anything Blake writes... regardless, this song in particular speaks to me during this time because this was the most difficult decision I have ever made. My success in this program is not only about me. My entire family is putting life on hold to allow me to have this opportunity.

Also, I had to leave a job I was comfortable in and extremely knowledgeable at to pursue something new and not exactly guaranteed. So the lyrics, especially the last verse are everything I feel. This really is the first day of my second life. And when he says, "You can even keep the name, it never suited me" I feel like he's saying - I'm moving on to a different place, who I was before isn't who I am anymore and not really who I was meant to be.

So hopefully this is where I am meant to be.