comment cross-posted from FunFunForums

I have been laid off once and fired twice. This sounds really bad but I’m not ashamed. I hear that it happens all the time, and unfortunately the lower down the food chain you are, the easier it is to dispose people. It’s extremely humbling and a good kick in the head. The first was an email dev thing that got cut due to a company downsize. The second was tech support that was supposed to breadcrumb into a dev job but the company expanded; I didn't do anything right. The most recent one was a software dev job where they said I had a great attitude but my code wasn’t up to standard.

I had a part in creating such a precarious situation for myself. I have no CS background and I accepted the first offers I got to get my foot in the door and didn’t (have the experience to) consider whether I had a future for growth there. The first two jobs, I was way too friendly and concerned with being a “fit” and it probably made people uncomfortable. At my last “real” dev job, I got a lot out of code reviews (even enjoyed them despite being wrong 90% of the time) but it became apparent I was too inexperienced. So it was better that I had that job than if I had not.

It is such a tough pill to swallow, and after the second one I really didn’t know if I could handle another. But I came back, and felt a lot more resolved not to be too open about myself at work. There’s a lot of reconsideration and reflecting to do, and obviously for me now, I need to take time to upskill. I definitely feel a lot of looming fatalism every time I take on a new role, but all I can do is my best. The best way is to deal for me is to take time off if I can, remember why I enjoy coding, and leave on as best of terms as possible. Staying positive in times of stress and being attentive and simply asking how you can help others goes a long way. Ultimately, you want to keep the door open to work in the future and a good reference… plus being on the receiving end of this will eventually make me a good manager. At least, I want to believe that.

Further Reflections

I've been listening to the Dr. Death podcast and find an odd commonality between me and the subject, Chris Duntsch. Unable to accept that I'm not good at my profession, I keep trying over and over.

On the other hand, I don't oversell myself and haven't killed anyone (or anything) as a result of my persistence. I take that as a sign that I am not the tech equivalent of Dr. Death.