I’ve always been the type to share coding snippets and technical stuff here, but this is the first time I’m opening up about how I really feel. I’m not sure if this is the right place for it, but honestly, it feels like it’s time to share what’s been on my mind.

For almost two years now, I’ve been working remotely as a software developer at a small startup. The flexible hours are great, but the pay isn’t, which is probably normal for early-stage startups. Yet, what’s been bothering me more is the shift in my energy levels and focus.

Lately, I’ve become too lazy and stuck in a cycle of procrastination. I want to work on my side projects—dreams I had for so long—but when the weekend comes around, I end up scrolling through my phone or sleeping. I’ve started getting migraines on weekends too, which might be from the stress or exhaustion of the week. Sometimes, I work overtime (with no extra pay), and I wonder if that’s making me too drained to do anything else. But it’s not just the overwork. The truth is, even though I know about habits (thanks to Atomic Habits), I’m still not making the progress I want.

I should be able to dedicate at least 2 hours a day to my projects, right? But after my office work, I’m just too tired to open my laptop again. I have all these desires—projects I want to complete, content I want to create, and a vision to earn from my work. But here I am, doing nothing.

I love building products. In fact, during college, I earned good money from projects I built. Unfortunately, they eventually failed due to certain circumstances in my life. It’s a tough pill to swallow, seeing something you worked on crumble, but those experiences shaped me.

As an introvert, I also struggle with not feeling comfortable in my job. I do well enough—everyone at my company is happy with my work—and I’m proud of the good job I’m doing. But if I’m honest, I’m only doing this job because it pays the bills.

It’s frustrating because I tried building something of my own—through websites and content creation—but after graduation and job, everything was left abandoned. And now they sit there, untouched, while I’m stuck in this routine.

When will I get back in my zone?