This we_coded, I wanna talk for a bit about feminism and how my stance on it changed when I learned what it was really all about.

Getting schooled in Feminism 🍎

I remember being in a college English class way back in ~2010 and the teacher asked us all:

Who here would consider themselves to be a feminist?

Almost nobody raised their hands. There were only a handful of women who raised their hands and just as many women who didn't. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't raise my hand. The teacher (a man) slowly raised his hand after asking the question.

With a smile on his face, he then asked one of the students who had a hand up why she was a feminist and she explained succinctly, "Because I believe in equality!"

Instantly, a guy in the class spoke up, "Then why do you think the world should be centered around women?"

"I don't," she responded. "I acknowledge the reality that the world has been more centered around men and I don't want it to be centered around anybody. I just want it to be more equal for women. This is why I'm a feminist."

Her words hung in the air for a minute while we all absorbed what she said. The teacher of the class chimed in "That's a really good reason. That's why I'm a feminist too." He then continued to explain what exactly feminism meant and how to look at the world (specifically how to read literature) through a feminist lens.

Wow I thought. I had written off the idea of feminism purely on its name. Without any knowledge of it, my immature self assumed that it was a worldview centered around women's perspectives and that it somehow placed more importance on women than men. I didn't realize that the goal was for equality and that the perspective being shared was more about acknowledging the systemic unjust treatment of women in a world that was dominated by men.

Look up "feminism" and the definition you'll get from Oxford dictionary is:

the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.

Equality is right there in the definition! Any real definition for the word makes it clear that the goal is equality.

I think many men (my past self included) hear feminism and think that it's one-sided, in favor of only women. We get defensive. We think about our own experiences and how we're not bad guys; we're not personally mistreating women. But that's not really what it's about — we're being too self-absorbed and not thinking bigger picture!

When we act this way, we're simply not listening. Instead, we're closing ourselves off and making up our minds without taking into account the many personal experiences women have recounted to us, centuries of history where women have been repressed, and the reality of the inequities folks continue to face based on gender today.

The point is, if you don't like the way "feminism" sounds, you're kinda missing the point. If you believe that folks should be treated equally regardless of their sex and acknowledge that we've still got work to do to make things fairer for women, then you should consider yourself a feminist! I acknowledge that my initial idea of what feminism was about was completely wrong. Now, I'm proud to say I'm a feminist.

So what's the connection to we_coded?

I think sometimes folks see a celebration like we_coded (previously SheCoded) and they instantly feel like it's divisive. It's not though, it's actually the opposite! By amplifying the voices of folks who have been marginalized or mistreated based on gender, we're validating their experiences and lifting them up. We're trying to make things more equal by giving a voice to these issues and acknowledging that we still have work to do.

So, if you find yourself in a similar position to how I felt previously, keep your mind and ears open. Listen to folks' experiences empathetically. Understand that the goal really is for equality. Don't shut folks down or use semantics to twist what they're saying into something it's not just because you have a preconception about what you think they're talking about. Genuniely listen and you'll likely hear from folks who are calling for equality and/or describing the inequalities that they've faced. It might be tough to hear but it's good to be aware of this stuff so that we can make things better.

Lastly, everything I'm saying very much applies to transgender, nonbinary, gender-nonconforming, and two-spirit folks as well. Wherever you land on the gender spectrum, you deserve support, respect, to be listened to, and to be treated as an equal.

Much love to all! 💚