The Life of an Exception: A Code's Lament
Jean Klebert A Modesto
Posted on November 16, 2024
For a long time, she wandered indignantly. Lost within an exception handling algorithm, a try-catch of life, it seemed she was placed there more out of her programmer's meticulousness than out of necessity.
Then, she asked herself:
He must be a really methodical guy, or maybe a maniac. He must have attended all the classes and even read all the recommended literature.
Seriously, who wants to control things this much?
Look at my situation: perfectly tabulated, versioned, only to never be executed. I wish I had never been programmed. I’m useless!
If only there was a tiny bug to help me! But how? After so much debugging and unit testing, what could I expect?
Couldn't he be like the others? Ctrl C, Ctrl V. A little lazy to type! When he thought of the work of putting me between the brackets of a conditional expression, he would surely give up.
However, even aware of her inglorious function within the application, the line of code did not lose sight of her own value:
I am such an elegant code that I deserve something better. Maybe inserted within an abstract class, or rather, in the elite, the cream, the top of the framework. Perhaps even more humbly, participating as a public variable, extending the distinguished superior class.
Hmm... (pensively). Maybe working as a SQL query! Oh wait! That would be too much! I prefer something less over-the-top for myself. Nothing that involves chatting with the database all the time, which is always complaining about excessive requests and being unhappy due to lack of resources.
And in a flash of human sentiment, she clarifies the real cause of her indignation:
You know, I’m really envious of that line which always appears as a message in a modal window. Arrogant! She thinks she's something special! She executes, and the program stops so everyone can see her... What anger!
Finally, knowing that a new system version never takes long to be released, she concludes:
Oh God! Send a lazy programmer to save me!
Posted on November 16, 2024
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