Over the years, I have experienced and overcome many of my fears. But the scariest part wasn't experiencing it; it was before I tried, the anticipation of it, the unknown factor of it all, not being able to control or know what's going to happen next. That's what filled me with the most fear before plunging in, only to discover it wasn't as bad as I thought.

THAT Conference

Recently, I overcame one of my biggest fears at a tech conference called THAT. Before, I was traumatized as both a kid and a young teenager from riding rollercoasters. I became terrified of them and still am terrified of them. I was always the designated bag holder, watching my friends go through the lines.

It wasn't until I was at the top of the stairs of an AquaLoop, a ride where you're loaded in a chamber that drops the platform beneath you into a vertical water slide, that my fear and anxiety started to kick in. My friends noticed this behavior and asked if I was okay, so I responded honestly: "No, but I want to experience this."

My heart was beating out of my chest, my stomach was running laps, my head was spinning, and I was gripping my arms so hard it felt like a boa constrictor had its scaley grip on me. My friends did one final check on me, which I reassured them. But perhaps I was lying to them and myself. A part of me was screaming to leave, to run down those long flights of stairs back to safety and comfort.

But I was determined. So I walked up and hesitantly put one foot after another onto the cold platform.  As the glass door surrounded me, I felt my breath becoming shallower as I crossed my arms and legs.  I felt myself plunging into a spiral of emotions that left me dizzy and nauseous.

The drop was sudden and fast. It happened before I could reasonably understand what was happening. Left and right, I turned as the speed of the water blew straight into my hair. I felt weightless at first, with nothing to support me but my arms and the icy steel of the slide against my back. Then I felt myself sliding into the water pool at a speed that would make Sonic the Hedgehog jealous. It was finally over.

But the strange part was that I didn't hate any of it. In fact, it was quite enjoyable. Although I did hurt my left ankle, and the back of my head felt like it was hit at least 10-15 times, I felt relieved that I was encouraged to participate in this ride. One of my friends started to apologize for encouraging me to try the ride, but I assured them I enjoyed my experience. Looking back at it now, I'm grateful they encouraged me to experience something new.

And it was only because of the community around me that I was able to take that step forward.  Their encouragement and their displays of concern were what helped me get past my initial doubts and fears because I knew they were there for me.  Without them, I would have gone back to safety, back to the comforts of who I used to be, without ever really changing or challenging myself.  With a great and supportive community, you can really grow and change as a person.

Community

If it wasn't for my community, I definitely wouldn't be where I am today. I most likely would have gone back to my old, tiresome bank teller days and lived the rest of my days repetitively and listlessly being the same person every day.  It's thanks to my community that I was able to transform into a developer in the first place.

To me, 100Devs was a community first and a place to learn code and get a job second. The people in the 100Devs community were and still are encouraging while remaining realistic, helping each other reach the finish line while striving for our goals and dreams. We helped each other overcome our own fears, like imposter syndrome or fear of not being able to land a developer job.

For example, one of the assignments that was asked (not mandatory by any means) was to find our own freelance client and get paid money to build a web application. At first, this seemed like a terrifying expectation to reach. However, after all of us at 100Devs received a lot of encouragement from Leon Noel, the founder of 100Devs, I started on my unknown journey to finding my first freelance client.

Imposter Syndrome

I had no idea where to begin, but I knew one thing: I was scared, and I wasn't sure what I was doing.  So I started off safe, going after forums like Reddit, Facebook, or Craigslist (yes, I know) to see if anyone was hiring a freelance web developer. Unfortunately, this process was fruitless, and I was slowly becoming more dispirited and discouraged as the days went by.  Deciding being passive wasn't good enough, I decided to be more active and post online on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Reddit to ask if anyone was looking for a web developer freelancer to hire.

While I did find a few potential interested parties, they did not lead to anything fruitful.  I knew what I had to do, but knowing I would be receiving a lot of rejections was scary to imagine.  But I kept reminding myself that the other person on the phone was just a human being just like me - wearing clothes like me, brushing their teeth like me, and eating food like me.  So I went out and called as many local businesses in my area as I could that I found didn't have their own websites, or I felt I could improve their existing websites.

Just as expected, there were a lot of rejections.  Most of them were short and abrupt, and there were a rare few that were also rude.  But I persisted. And as I continued, I found the process easier and less scary as I went on. I became more comfortable and felt more sure of myself. And I realized my initial fear was, in retrospect, kind of ridiculous compared to the imposter syndrome I was feeling from all the rejections.

Receiving email job rejections was one thing, but hearing a rejection directly from another person's voice was another, especially when you do it one after another. I felt defeated and hopeless: it felt like I was walking in a heavy mist, tripping over every other step I took. But I was determined. I didn't want to give up, nor would I give up. So I continued, taking breaks here and there from all the rejections, and continued cold calling company after company.

And then it happened. I finally found that one phone call. It only took one, but all the imposter syndrome I was drowning myself in dissipated like a balloon releasing all its air. But then, a new fear started to arise, and I began to be afraid of the website's quality matching the client's expectations.  Even now, looking back at the current state of the website, I wonder if there was something I could have done better at the time.

Each time I conquered a fear, it felt like a new fear started to form inside of me, and it felt scarier than the previous fear.  But everytime I conquered a fear, I also felt like I became a better developer and person, and those fears shaped the confidence that I was able to form.  And this wouldn't have happened if I didn't take the initiative to join the 100Devs community and find my freelance client.

Taking Initiative

When I was trying to get my first tech-related job, an advice I heard often from more experienced developers was "go out and network." And as someone who is on the more shy side, this was intimidating. The thought of reaching out to a complete stranger that I had never talked to and having a virtual video chat with them seemed like such a daunting idea at the time.

I would be so nervous leading up to the actual video chat, feeling the pace of my heart speed up and progressively get louder. To mitigate my nervousness, I would write down questions I would ask to decrease the amount of silence in the chat itself. But because of this, I never really connected to the other person I was chatting with; I was too focused on having a coffee chat and networking.

But then I took the initiative to go to my first in-person meetup at NY Code and Coffee because I had always wanted to go to my first in-person developer meetup, but I was always afraid to travel to NYC by myself. When I connected with people outside of a screen, I realized I was connecting with people the incorrect way.

I started to go to more NY Code and Coffee meetups to become more comfortable with connecting with people outside of screens.  As I took the initiative to keep talking to people both offline and online, I became better at conversations and communicating with others.  I also noticed that I became more confident in myself and became more sure of myself.

Moving Forward

So take that initiative. Become more comfortable with being uncomfortable, and explore new experiences so you can grow in your journey as both as a person and as a developer. Go to your first conference, your first meetup, and experience new things like your first milkshake! And who knows, you could meet someone that will become your lifelong friend.

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